Recently I have been writing about my mum’s goddamn awful opinions on a variety of classic football shirts. If you haven’t read any of these pieces, you can find the first one by clicking here.
You might have hoped that it was the last you were going to hear of her. Well, ladies and gentlemen, I’m afraid not. She’s back, and it’s for something bigger and better. This time round Jordan Florit kindly let her read a chapter of his book ‘Red Wine & Arepas: How Football is Becoming Venezuela’s Religion’. We decided that it would be a good idea to find out what she thought…
I thought asking her for opinions on football shirts was a challenge, but asking her to read an entire chapter of a book about football in Venezuela was on a whole ‘nother level.
I explained the theme of the book to her. At first, she honestly thought that Jordan had written an entire book about that horrific 2010 South Africa World Cup instrument, the Vuvuzela. Now Jordan has finished writing this book, perhaps he can start on 'Amarula & Vuvuzelas: How the f*ck wasn't Lampard's goal given?'.
The chapter that she read was about the 2019 Liga FUTVE Gran Final. Jordan began the chapter by describing Caracas FC’s story in preparing for this final as “enchantingly beautiful”. This caught her attention. Mum certainly didn’t expect to read those two words within the first paragraph.
Mum was a few pages in when she turned round and said to me “I’m having a bloody hard time trying to pronounce all of these words in my head: Estudiantes, Apertura, Libertadores”. I think that’s what she said anyway, I couldn’t quite understand her pronunciation.
She was about three quarters of the way through the chapter and I could see her smiling to herself. She was smiling because she had just read that Caracas had scored a last-minute equaliser to win the Clausura Final against Deportivo Tachira on away goals. “I’m really willing for this Caracas team”, mum said. I don't think I've ever seen her this enthusiastic about football.
I asked her to sum the chapter up in a couple of sentences. Mum said “That was a surprisingly nice read. I can’t quite believe the lengths these people go through to support their team, they’re madder than you and your dad.”
Jordan’s book, ‘Red Wine & Arepas: How Football is becoming Venezuela’s Religion’, is out in August 2020. You can pre-order by clicking here or by clicking on the image below. Having read the chapter myself, I can assure you it’s well worth purchasing.