Welcome to the third and final interview with my mum. “Why is it the final interview?”, I hear you ask. Well, because she is sick to death of talking about football shirts.
If you haven’t read the first or second interview, you can find them here:
Before we started, I asked her what nationality Maradona and Pele are. She think’s Maradona is Mexican and Pele is Italian. She really does hate football.
I showed her five classy football shirts, removing the club crests, and here’s what she thought:
First up is a request from our friends over at Old School Football Shop. They wanted to hear Mum’s opinion on AFC Bedale’s selection of food inspired kits from recent years.
“Bizarre” is the first word that comes out of her mouth. But she did go on to say she is a fan of these unique shirts. She particularly likes the fact that the pattern continues down over the shorts. However, was a bit concerned that she followed the hotdog pattern all the way down to the gentleman’s groin area. A bit inappropriate, Mum.
Her parting comment was “I wonder if these shirts are suitable for vegetarians or vegans”. We checked out Heck’s website and can confirm that they do offer a range of meat free products. Thank god for that.
Next up is another request from our friend and talented writer, Jordan Florit, who is currently writing a book about football and society in Venezuela. Keep up to date with ‘Red Wine and Arepas’ by following him on Twitter. When Jordan asked to hear my mum’s opinion on FC Madureira’s 2013 goalkeeper shirt, I could not wait to hear what she said.
So, who does Mother think is featuring on this Madureira shirt? Her first answer was Muammar Gaddafi. Well, I can confirm that it is certainly not the controversial and highly divisive Libyan revolutionary that appears on this Cuba flag inspired football shirt. To be honest, I was quite impressed that she could actually name a single revolutionary.
She rather redeemed herself by changing her answer to Wolfie from Citizen Smith, a character that attempts to emulate Che Guevara. Well, it’s a better answer than Gaddafi anyway.
Next up is another suggestion from a friend and big supporter of Fans’ Favourite, Deric Henderson. As we all do, Deric loves Ajax’s 1995 Champions League winning shirt, but what does Mother think?
She’s a big advocate of this cult kit. “I really like the pattern on this shirt. It looks like a pattern I would have had on my bedroom curtains back in the 90s. It’s nice that the club badge is positioned in the middle of the shirt and the sponsor appearing vertically is a nice change”, Mum explained. Wow, she actually sounds like she knows what she’s talking about.
She went on to ruin her opinion by claiming that it looks like a West Ham shirt.
Often described as the holy grail of shirts, this Aztec inspired shirt was worn by Mexico during the 1998 World Cup, when they were knocked out by Germany in the 2nd round.
“It looks like a pattern you would find on a Mahjong tile, so it must be a shirt from China”, Mum stated. She then went on to say that the Aztec figure in question might in fact be a logo of a Chinese casino that sponsors the club. Not quite, Mum, not quite.
In general, she likes the out-there design, especially the red detail that appears on the sleeves and around the collar. She scores it a solid 7 out of 10.
Hull City wore a variety of tiger print shirts during the early 90s. It’s pretty obvious that they were tiger print, right? Not according to my mum, who thinks these “hideous shirts” are zebra print gone wrong or “zebra’s with sunburn”. She hoped that this shirt was not of an English club, because only a wacky team would be prepared to play in those shirts. “I bet the players hearts sank when that shirt was revealed for the first time”. I don’t disagree with her there.
I explained that it was not zebra print, but it was in fact tiger print, to which she replied “it’s not linked to that Netflix tiger show is it?”.
This season Hull City and Umbro produced a new shirt inspired by those 90s kits. She much prefers this current and more subtle remake, but still stands by the zebra with sunburn comment.